I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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