just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
