Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
