don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.