okay pat passed out under dana's car
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.