hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.