you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring