I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
