I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
