i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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