I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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