I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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