The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize