she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
