My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
