Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
