He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
