yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
