where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
