erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
