it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
