Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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