So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
