she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
