he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
