oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
