I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
