He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
