Tell her she can't have a vagina
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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