I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
