I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
