Can i not drive my cunt home
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
