My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
