Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dicks are not precious.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
