I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
