Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
