dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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