I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
