I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
