The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
