You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
