I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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