Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
