I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
