I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
