i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
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