Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
