Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
