I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
