Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
