32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
