the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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