it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
