I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
