I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
