it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
