Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
