we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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