I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
