dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
