Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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