someone threw a dead crab at me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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