I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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