I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So many bounce houses so little time
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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