so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
