i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
