he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize