the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
