I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
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Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
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I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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