You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize