I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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