TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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